42 hours straight. That's the amount of time I spent working with my debate teammates for a tournament this February. I never thought that writing a legal brief could be so...bad. "Not getting enough sleep" is an understatement at this point. I've boomeranged back to the jet lag phase that I had just recently recovered from a few weeks ago. Now that the intellectual masssacre has ended (at least for now), I had time to think about things again.
Dating. There are two general schools of thought about launching into the dating scene after a breakup. One approach finds that a person should not start dating after a breakup unless and until she or he had fully recovered from the past relationship. Assuming the person isn't going around trying to get a one night stand, this approach is based on the principle of being "fair" to yourself and your date. No one wants to bring baggage into a new relationship. Then again, this is just dating...not marriage.
The other approach states that one should date right away (or at least reasonably soon after or during a short mourning period). It supposedly helps you move on and realize that there is a life independent of your ex. It helps you regain confidence. Some supporters take the view that the pain relating to your last relationship never leaves you; it's "baggage" that stays for life, but transforms into new things: personality changes, positive or negative, change in lifestyle, attitude, etc. If one cannot draw that crucial line separating a monday of past pain and a tuesday of new life, one concludes that dating is a great way to help you eventually get the closure you need. Closure is up to you - not your ex or your future date - and it's a process...a daily struggle.
This may not be the best articulation of both approaches (and I'm sure there are more theories out there), but I've always been a person who has balanced these two views.
For the record, I've been going on dates the past few months. I have one next week and am pretty excited about it. Of course, I do have my moments of emotional struggle and ask myself whether this is what I want to do. Otherwise, at the end of the day, I've realized that the dating scene has helped me regain confidence and see my identity as an independent person...not just the ex-fiance of 2004 with that intriguing blog of his (no self-marketing intended).
Which approach makes sense to you?
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2 comments:
Yeah. I'm all about number two. Throw your ass up and see where it lands.
I also say go with the second one. Go into it with the expectation of fun, if nothing else, and then if turns it to somethign more, even better.
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