The Games We Play

Birthday

"I wish it was my birthday, and not a rainy Tuesday.
I wish I was not lonely, laying by your side.
I wish it was a good thing, and not an awful truth thing.
I wish it was my birthday, and everything was cool."

- D'sound, off their new album "My Today" - http://www.dsound.com

This song is off the charts. Sexy acid jazz and with a good chill out feel with a touch of soul, R&B and 70's dance. It's one of those emotional ironies - it's awesome to sing along with this song; it's "groovy" and the tune makes you feel good, but it's also a song about longing and loneliness.

As I type this post at 5:30 on a Saturday afternoon, wearing plaid banana rep boxers and some random t-shirt I bought in a Seattle Costco several years ago, I find myself slouched on the executive chair I had bought myself for law school with half-destroyed iPod earphones plugged into my ears listening to "Birthday" on repeat on itunes, and with my arms reached out and hands sprawled out on top of my laptop thinking about the games we play...the games women play.

I must've had several conversations with friends the past few weeks about playing games. It seems like that everyone agrees that even when one claims that he or she isn't playing, "playing" is essentially unavoidable so as long as you are trying to get someone to go out with you or at the least, one person is attracted to another. Everyone plays the game. When you say that you are not playing a game, you still are playing, just to a lesser degree. So,the only real question left is to what degree you are willing to play.

Someone once asked me what I thought the game was about. At first, I told them that I thought it was just the way things are here in the US (of course, I was pretending to be the innocent foreigner who didn't have a better answer about dating). On a deeper level, however, I did have a better answer and I shared it with one of my other good friends: It's the comprehensive management of another's expectations, usually between two people who are somewhat attracted to each other but haven't figured out what to do yet, and while they are figuring things out, they find ways to keep things hanging, to continue the game, to progress or to regress, or to kill time because nothing else in life seems more amusing then this innocuous and fleeting flirtation. Because it's about management of another's expectations, it can be used to push the other person away, or to "push" the other away only to signal to him or her that the "pusher" wants him or her to push back. The permutations are endless and the signs, well, open to several intepretations.

It reached a point in my life where I said that I would stop overanalyzing women's actions when I found myself in that situation and eventually in a deep hole. Unfortunately, however, the answer wasn't that simple. SOME analysis is needed when you're in the game for cripes sake. What if you miss a sign? What if you, as an old friend used to say, "miss the bus?" But hold on one second, on an even deeper level, aren't you giving yourself too much crap to deal with if you were to think that way? Why does it have to always be about, "how do i get her," and not about, "what the hell do I want?" My best friend once gave me good advice about dating a few years back after my legendary break up. He said, "dude, when you go out on a date, think about having fun for yourself. Don't get caught up trying to make her happy all the time." So I tell myself, well, if you both really like each other and want to go out, then it'll happen and continue, or something cosmically warped like that.

How much is in your control and how much isn't? What if you are absolutely convinced that the girl you like will not budge no matter what you do, but deep down inside, if you DO something then she might reciprocate? So many what ifs. I would need to pop a motrin for each what if that has haunted me in this lifetime. As my more devout friends would tell me, "God will give you the right girl at the right time." Nice. God will "give" me a girl. Perhaps they meant to say that I would meet the right girl in "God's time."

"I wish it was a good thing, and not an awful truth thing."

I can go on and on about this, and chances are this won't be my last post on this topic. Feel free to leave comments, would love to hear about your experiences - and don't bother giving me advice, you don't even know my situation.

By the way, life becomes more interesting when you like someone and haven't genuinely liked anyone in forever. Like is good. Time to head out to the city and par-tey. I'll take some shots tonight for the people reading this post. Salud mis amigos y amigas.