Today, I was required by New York State to attend what they call an introduction to the profession orientation class, and what I call an utter waste of my time and gas. Apparently, NY lawyers must be informed of the 4 most pressing issues that a lawyer will face in his or her career, and gaining this knowledge is a prerequisite before being sworn in as a member of this o so noble profession.
What were these issues?
1. Civility and Profession - The lawyer spent half an hour telling us how important it was to act with courtesy to opponents, clients, judges, clerks, etc. Okay... So, he closes his lecture with a maxim: "Treat it with sugar, and not vinegar." He continues to advise us that an easy way to remember this is to have a packet of sugar in your pocket at all times. Good job. I'll be sure to stop by CVS on the way home and buy some splenda. That should remind me to make objections in court with a sunny smile on my face.
2. Ethics - Some other lawyer lectures on how to communicate and deal with client confidentiality. The redundancy of this profession has reached a ridiculous level. Not only were we required to take around 3 classes of professional responsibility in law school, study professional responsibility for the Bar exams, AND take a national professional responsibility exam, but we have to hear the same thing one last time just for good measure... Gotta love efficiency ey?
3. Banking and Recordkeeping - Don't commingle your personal funds and the funds of your client. Took 1 1/2 hours to get that message across.
and the best...
4. Alcohol and Substance Abuse - I won't make a joke here because it's a really serious topic. But it's good to know that there is a confidential "help hotline" for lawyers just in case things go awry. Cool thing is, it doesn't have to be about alcohol or drugs...it can be addiction problems to gambling, sex, ...issues of depression. So yea, it was the most interesting topic; the discussion, however, only took up 10 minutes of the torturous 3 hour session.
It's a good thing I bumped into a friend from law school to keep me company during my transient battle against narcolepsy. Some of the new lawyers were tools...they were like staring each other down, seeing who had the blackberries and the nicer suits, and some even came in their law school hoodie to announce to the world that they went to a top law school. Good idea if you are an egotistical prestige whore who pretends not to care about anyone else but does indeed care because you want people to praise you for going to a good school. Problem is, if you showed up to this class and you're not in a suit, it's probably because you don't have a job. Ouch.
Back to work.
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