It's Been A While...

My absence has been extensive to say the least, but really, if you have been following this blog since its inception, then you probably figured out that long silences are indicative of big changes.

One of the biggest changes of my life is at hand, and gradually, Sensitive Man will be back up and running as the newest chapter of my exciting life comes into fruition. Stay tuned.

Long Distance Thoughts: The Preview of a New Beginning

Alas, one main thread of thoughts that has materialized over the past year is soon coming to a categorical end, closing out over the next few months as it inches closer to mootness, while I inch closer to what I consider to be a very exciting and promising married life.

Yesterday, I was lucky to be schooled by a new yoga instructor, whom Bikram instructed personally, and ran one of Bikram's two U.S. studios back in the day before the practice became a global health sensation. My instructor wasn't necessarily the most spiritual guy, but his humor made the class lighter and was encouraging as we all struggled to get ease into our "asanas" in 100 degree heat and 72 degree humidity. At some point in the class, the instructor deviated from his banter and said something a bit more serious, interesting and simple about the practice. He stated, "There is a difference between will power and mental tension. You can will your body to get into a pose, but remain in a state of mental tension. In this practice, even if your body is working every single organ, your mind should be relaxed."

I tried that today during yoga, and while I was relaxing my mind, I came up with this simple reflection (or mantra if you will):

Love has truly been the key in having this relationship stand the test of distance and time, but respect has been, and will continue to be the key in having the relationship stand the test of life.

*The picture is a shot I took over the Alaskan skies during the trip when I realized I was going to propose to my fiancee soon.

A Random Love Letter: Hibachi Night

Dearest Wife-to-be,

Instead of giving you your typical morning greeting, and in the interest of getting this blog going again, I decided to write you a letter here to start off your fantastic week.

Sunday proved to be an interesting day after all. After talking to you last night, I took a short nap and then woke up to take a walk around the neighborhood. It was during the walk that my plans for the day materialized in my head.

I decided that I needed to drive around a bit, and come home early so that I could enjoy some Blockbuster DVDs (remind me to subscribe to Netflix when we live together) at home and relax for the rest of the evening. I ended up renting The Invasion, Street Kings, The Secret and Redbelt. You probably know at this point that I decided to forego a night at the U.S. Open and possibly a second round match including Roger Federer. I just didn't feel like travelling to far I guess just to watch perhaps the greatest tennis player ever hit a little yellow-green ball.

Instead, I found myself having dinner at Gasho and treating myself to a full Japanese hibachi meal.

Here are some highlights:

1. Just like any other hibachi experience, my chef showboated by flipping and spinning his cooking tools like a young college band leader.

2. My chef started flipping small pieces of broccoli in the air toward us customers so that we could attempt to catch the flying food in our mouths. I was the first target, and for the first time ever, I caught the bland piece of vegetable in my mouth. The people around me gave me a light applause as if I were a seal in Sea World catching dead fish while gyrating on my little rock.

3. The filet mignon and grilled chicken were pretty good, and the rice was less than mediocre. The meats were grilled to perfection, but the seasoning was lacking. The sauces were alright, but just alright. The rice was dry and not of the Japanese quality we expect. Tonight confirmed to me the superiority of Japanese food back home over here. Overall, the experience made it a pretty decent dinner, so I have no real complaints.

4. The chef made a smiley face with a heap of rice in the middle of the hibachi grill, two peas as the eyes, and a carrot stick as the smiling mouth. Good job, chef.

5. There was a beautiful Japanese garden located at the back of the restaurant. Cool place to hang out for some drinks while waiting for other guests to arrive.

So there. That was my dinner. I think I'm going to hang out in the living room and watch some DVDs while munching on my favorite Whoppers.

Good luck today, and I hope our planning continues to go smoothly.
You know what goes here,

Me

Long Distance Ritual: Fried Rice and the Good Things in Life

The reality of today, yesterday, last week, tomorrow and years to come strikes me like a breeze of cool air after a humid session of Bikram Yoga. I am currently weak with metaphors, words, expressions, but quite strong with emotion on the inside...simple, but overwhelming happiness.

I'm going to spend the rest of my life with a woman whom I've called good friend for 16 years, and I could not ask for anyone better. It's amazing how this blog came full circle, and now, I'm so ridiculously happy, I think placing exclamation marks at the end of these sentences would be a form of self-patronization. So let's hide the cheese for a moment and do my favorite long distance ritual today, and dedicate a delicious dinner to the one special woman living halfway across the world.

On tonight's menu, a very simple dish that my wife-to-be cooked for me just a few weeks back during the "proposal" trip: Japanese Fried Rice.

Japanese Rice*
Corn Oil
Teriyaki Sauce
Leeks
Green Peppers
Red Onions
Carrots
Scrambled Egg
Strips of Beef Tenderloin

Throw'em all in and fry, mix, fry, mix, fry!

*Please steam your rice ahead of time. You don't want to be that person who threw rice grains into a wok or pan hoping it would pop into puffy rice.

A Review of The Dark Knight

I am not one to analyze films because not that many films make me think about what I had just watched after it is over. So it is quite telling when I write this post; The Dark Knight has prompted me to think about my recent movie experience with great excitement. The Dark Knight was simply a masterpiece for a few reasons:

1. It was probably the most "human" superhero movie I have ever seen. For beginners, the self-discovery process and formation of Batman's (and Bruce Wayne's) persona start where "Batman Begins" left off: nascent and growing. Character development in a superhero movie is somewhat easy to pull off because the nature of this genre is so extreme, it becomes open to exaggeration and extreme reactions by characters when put on film, let alone a 2-hour one. When the producers of Batman decided to stretch out the maturing process and full realization of the hero's role in his universe, the human aspect of the character became so evident, I had forgotten halfway through the movie that I was watching a superhero movie.

2. The darkness of Gotham, both through the cinematography, sets, and plot/context of the mafia is depicted in a way that makes it look like an alternative universe city somewhere in the northeast or urban midwest (again, a characteristic seen in "Batman Begins" but continued and developed here). This is truly a far cry from the zany, rainbow-brite nightmare metropolis depicted by joel schumacker in the Batman flops, and a slight improvement on Tim Burton's chilly towering Gotham in the original classics (I am a huge fan of the original Batman). Moreover, the mafia in the past two Batman movies looked like they were taken out of a typical mob drama, and not a colorful Dick Tracy film. The setting of the movie was just the right kind of dark.

3. Character development yet again. The Harvey Dent story was phenomenal. Watch the movie and tell me you didn't appreciate Aaron Eckhart's execution of Dent even in the shadow of the great Heath Ledger (and Michael Caine, Gary Oldman and Morgan Freeman...and yes, Christian Bale).

4. Speaking of the devil...Heath Ledger. One recent article notes that it is quite rare for a dead man to win an Oscar post-mortem, and therefore, the likelihood of Ledger bagging one for his breakthrough role as the Joker is quite low. I refuse to enter the Oscar debate, but I will say this: Jack Nicholson's Joker was phenomenal at the time, but Heath Ledger's Joker scared the living daylights out of me. Sometimes, an actor can find the true heart and soul of its character, and internalize it beyond what the camera captures. The audience becomes captivated by certain performances and cannot distinguish between actor and character (no, I do not mean Jon Heder and Napoleon Dynamite). Ledger, may he rest in peace, has truly outdone himself in this film, and the spookiness of it all speaks for itself. That, I believe, is a greater compliment for an acting performance than simply labelling it as "Oscar-worthy."

5. Ridiculous Cast. Enough said.

6. The movie did not focus on Batman's cool gadgets and hot vehicles (the lamborghini was hot though). Instead, Bruce Wayne's relationships with the people close to him, the function of the police and law in Gotham city, the depiction of the mafia, Jim Gordon's relationship with Batman, Rachel Dawes relationship with Bruce Wayne...all of these were woven together masterfully into one plot and very deep subthemes for a superhero movie.

7. The movie just keeps on going. You'll see what I mean after you watch it, and then appreciate that 2 and a half hours of your life were put to fantastic use.

8. New Yorkers applauded at the end of the movie. Wow, right?

I probably have more to say, but I have some important things to do...

...like plan my wedding.

Greetings from LAX

I just wanted to drop a note from a business center here in LAX. I am flying home for a few important reasons, one of them being a wedding to attend and another to spend some quality time with the girlfriend. Again, I feel like I have tons to write but food coma has gotten the best of me and my brain is not functioning very well. Notably, the toxins and weight I lost the past month to bikram yoga may have come back with a vengeance.

I have an interesting next few weeks ahead, so there is definitely more to come. Peace.

She's Just Awesome

I haven't posted in a long time, because I really haven't found the groove to write about the many recent things that I have encountered and experienced, especially the fantastic epicurean treats in which I have indulged most guiltlessly.

Long distance relationships can definitely do more than take a toll. It can shift your dynamic with your partner and reshape affection, communication and other important elements. I assume when (or if) the distance ends, two people will have to "re-learn" each other and get used to the new environment of nearness.

So today, I have found my groove. My groove has been through and with her, and she has inspired me to get back to Confessions, and express something simple: I am indeed a lucky, lucky man, and I cannot wait for the day the long distance part of our relationship becomes a thing of the past.

Long Distance Ritual: Memorial Day Special

This week's long distance ritual falls on a very peaceful and relaxing Memorial Day weekend. Instead of surrendering to expensive gas prices, or packing a bag and sifting through presumably crowded airports, I decided to stay home this weekend, watching movies and doing yoga. A very simple dish was at hand tonight, and I'm sure that my girlfriend, living halfway across the world, will have no trouble replicating it (actually, the chances of her improving upon this recipe with her own ideas and ingredients are quite high). Boiling some broccoli and sauteeing mushrooms and garlic in olive oil became the Monday night special. I threw everything together with angel hair pasta, lemon pepper and chili flakes. Light and healthy.

The other day, my girlfriend sent me a link of foods that are categorized by whether such foods produce alkaline or acid. According to this list, one's diet should consist of a proper balance of alkaline producing and acid producing foods, with a higher proportion of alkaline producing foods compared to its not so healthy counterparts. Well, it seems that lemons top the list of high alkaline producing foods, so I decided to change up my beverage variety and enjoy some delicious lemonade.
Apparently, fruits are also high alkaline producing. Grapes are a good source. I bought myself a bunch and vowed not to eat chocolate or other sweets until I finish the grapes.

In a month of taking huge steps to become healthier, my diet is becoming a perfect complement to my now addicting yoga practice and other health-related activities that are now a part of my life. Thanks to the inspiration of a woman who wants only the best in life for herself and for me, I have found my little groove in 2008.

Of course, every once in a while, random saturday mornings in particular, a plate of fantastic jasmine rice with fried egg, and corned beef with chili flakes and onions all mixed into one man's meal becomes quite the treat and reward after a long week of work and working out. I know. I know. Not the way to end a post that seemed immaculately green.

The Yoga Bandwagon: Mens Sana In Corpore Sano

The name of the game is stress. I have been the self-proclaimed champion of this game in my little world for about 29 years, and it is right about time to retire. Too long have I found myself swimming in a cesspool of unnecessary stress. Too long have I allowed my little world to swallow itself in a mind-created black hole. Too long have I sustained the very demon that I have been trying to exorcise, only to suck the happiness out of my relationships with others, and most importantly, the happiness within myself. It's not who I want to be moving forward. Moreover, now that I am in a long distance relationship, any stress that emanates from my behavior and state of being is magnified a hundred times over, and the last thing me and my girlfriend would need is an emotional gap to further widen the blatantly obvious physical gap that remains between us. This too goes for my relationship with friends and family.

Of course, going through the workaday world has its own additional sources of stress, such as simply trying to make ends meet, or making sure I have enough groceries, so there is a lot to deal with when living alone.

My change has transpired over the years, but has been purely a mind and attitude-focused type, with broad but incomplete changes. Now is the time to take everything to another level and see more genuine results. I am of the belief that taking care of my body will free my mind of stress, prompting me to embark on a serious mission to incorporate yoga, some diet modifications (I'm quite certain a scrumptuous pork dish will appear in a subsequent post notwithstanding this declaration), and proper breathing into my life. Once my back heals fully, I plan to return to sports as well. My good buddy had once reminded me of a powerful yet neglected principle: mens sana in corpore sano (a sound mind in a sound body).

I used to think that yoga was a funny hobby and alternative to the gym with a trendy reputation. Years later, I find myself in a yoga class trying to sweat out not just the toxins in my muscles, but 29 years of an inner-stress that has kept me from freely being who I have been wanting to be all these years. It's never too late for awesome changes I suppose, and I want myself and those around me to feel a lighter and more joyful presence of me.

The Sensitive Man Tackles the "Sensitive Man"

For most of you who have been following the evolution of Confessions of a Sensitive Man, and thus, the interesting evolution of myself, as I have undergone, and am presently going through, an ontological change over the years, you could probably see the character and content that supports the not so ambiguous title of the blog, without me having to discuss what really constitutes being a sensitive man in this day and age and who I am in all of this. That sort of changes today. Sort of.

How amusing. Googling "sensitive man," I came across a few online publications (other than my blog) that provide various angles and interesting insight on the topic. Very amusing. On one hand, there's the "good" side of being a sensitive guy. Dotmoms' Sensitive Man in Training published a proud account of raising a sensitive boy, meriting a congratulations from presumably another mother in the comments section. The benchmark for sensitivity apparently is how well you treat women, as this author subtly cites to how her husband was lacking in that department. On the other hand, however, a somewhat opposing, in-your-face analysis in the article, What is a "Sensitive" Man? poses the philosophical and ironically can-potentially-be-misconstrued-as-insensitive question, "Why do we feel the need to identify men as sensitive or not?" Appropriately, the article was published in askmen.com.

How about ultra-sensitivity to the point that it has become a social issue (perhaps a disorder? are you listening Merck?) that needs to be addressed? Heart-2-heart coins the pseudo-sociopathological term "Ultra-Sensitive Person," and provides some sort of support source for this potentially inhibiting state of being, which interestingly includes being "exceptionally intuitive and artistic," yet has an "urge to hide in a quiet, sometimes dark, room when things are too much." "Don't take yourself too seriously," some might say to that approach. Let's have fun with sensitivity, says the light-hearted man...let's play up the concept of the sensitive man and give him an award...literally. Unilever in London decided to effectuate such a notion by giving the most sensitive man in the United Kingdom a trophy or something like that.

Then there's Bill Clinton.

I am not even sure how I figure in all of this, if I do at all. Some random, but incomplete brain farts:

I have a low threshold for pain, and have been trying to toughen up over the years. Sometimes, when I empathize, I feel worse than the person who is confiding in me. In terms of approach, I don't like it when people are insensitive and I hate it when I am oversensitive. So I enjoy shaping my life to balance out who I am by continuing to be passionate, compassionate, empathetic and emotion-filled, while shaving off unnecessary reactions and taking things too seriously or personally. That being said, I am definitely not the most sensitive person I have met. Not by a mile and not within the 90th percentile among all people I've encountered. In sum, I grew up reacting too much to others, and have since then tried to be chill and less reactive. I enjoy myself more and am more enjoyable to others in the absence of sensitivity-related stress. Balance. It's a good mantra for all things.

The abovementioned articles were interesting reads. I should putter around the net some more and see what other people are saying, but maybe later. Right now, I am psyching myself up for my second-ever session of bikram yoga. Never in my life have I fathomed attempting to bend like a pretzel (those huge ones sold in Manhattan next to the hotdogs). Maybe yoga will help me maintain "balance" in sensitivity.

Who knows? Unilever might give me an award.

A Journey to Momofuku SSAM

A rare weeknight journey to the East Village became the highlight of my week. Situated a few cities away, my craving for one of the best dishes I have ever eaten in foodtown Manhattan was increasing at an annoying rate, and the only things standing between me and Momofuku SSAM's popular dish were time and space. The late afternoon Metro North train ride sucked the life and patience out of me, but at least I had quite the view as my backdrop for daydreaming and drooling as we crossed the Bronx into Harlem, Manhattan.


Upon my arrival at a relatively empty Grand Central Terminal, I noticed something that had irked me. My telephone contained a text message from my friends whom I was meeting that evening, informing me that dinner was at 9:00 pm. Fantastic, I thought. The famous clock in the middle of the Terminal told me that another hour and forty-five minutes would pass before my chance to so as much sit down in Momofuku. Luckily, some of my friends were available before then, so we decided to get a drink across the street from Momofuku. At that point, I jumped onto the 6 train heading downtown.



Yes. The train was crowded. In New York, if you couldn't hold onto something on the subway during rush hour, there is no need to worry; your body is bottled up within a hexagon of other bodies supporting your weight like a trust-exercise in an overpriced empowerment seminar led by a perky maniac with a lapel microphone taped onto his cheek. I poured out of the subway and finally found myself in Union Square, hungry like no one's business. It was close to 8:00 pm.

Union Square had its distractions and temptations. A slice of typical New York pizza almost seduced me into cheating on the not-so-imminent Momofuku experience. I resisted, but with some remorse.

Eventually, I found myself at the Blue Owl drinking a happy hour Martini with old friends from Manila. They too were impatiently waiting to satisfy the somewhat destructive craving that was just across the street.

At 9:00 pm, after a seemingly long and endless journey, I finally made it to Momofuku.

I had three pork buns that evening, and it hit the spot to say the least. The pork was tender enough to melt in your mouth and was covered in a tangy hoisin sauce and thinly-sliced cucumbers in a Chinese bun. Fantastic. I had no thoughts of the long commute back up north...I needed to bask in this moment of culinary glory.

Movies, Bloghers and Long Distance Relationships

My route through the online universe today took a few unexpected and surprising turns that left me with a smile on my face. Three simple online events took place, which taken together, made me appreciate the fact that I am appreciating the small things in life. For starters, I did find myself watching the trailer of the new Batman movie The Dark Knight. The reinvention of the Batman saga on the big screen is now appropriately following the graphic novel and comic book threads of alternate storylines, interpretations and depictions of the psyche known as Bruce Wayne, a.k.a. Batman. Suffice it to say, the original Batman, starring Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson, and Batman Begins, starring Christian Bale and a gang of oscarworthy actors, are my two favorite films of the kind to date.

I was then pleasantly surprised when I discovered that a new film from brilliant and daring producer/director/cameo-actor M. Night Shyamalan is a month away from keeping me on the edge of my seat. The mind-blowing, at times dark, yet smooth films of Shyamalan make the hairs on my skin stand. Movies with spectacular twists top my list of genre preferences, and within that category, Shyamalan is king. This new film, The Happening, looks like a promising enough apocalyptic mystery to quench my spin-thirsty mind.

I must say though, that the highlight of my day was something other than appeasing my movie-buff self. Apparently, Confessions of a Sensitive Man has been cited on someone else's blog (other than relationship guru Keith Ferrazzi's blog Never Eat Alone - buy his book when you get a chance). In particular, a woman blogged about her preparations for a long distance relationship and cited to other blogs that have discussed the same topic, mine included. What makes this interesting, is that her blog is located in an all woman blog community, Blogher. The site also contained links to other related posts from other bloggers in the community.

Read her thoughts when you get a chance at Blogher. She expresses her difficulty and melancholy in being physically separated from her loved one, the feelings of which I am currently most familiar. I wanted to leave a comment, but only members can leave comments, and I believe only women can be members! My heart goes out to those people going for the long distance arrangement, and I wish them all the strength, faith and confidence needed to sustain their most intimate and relevant of connections. I also have special admiration for those who express the reality of their long distance relationships through blogging.

Cheers to you all.

Long Distance Ritual: Chicken Paprika

Perhaps many of you know how much I miss my girlfriend given my previous posts, so I will not belabor the point and dwell on the glaring distance that has been restored between us. Instead, I have chosen to push forward with this long distance relationship and continue with the long distance rituals (see http://acidjazzboy.blogspot.com/2008/01/long-distance-rituals.html and http://acidjazzboy.blogspot.com/2008/03/long-distance-ritual-salmon-asparagus.html) that have constituted the mutual affection conveyed between me and her through these digital channels.

Sitting down for hours and zoned out in front of a computer is a typical day for those working in an office, and that basic characteristic could not have been more evident today. Add jet lag to the mix, and you have a recipe (no pun intended) for silent chaos and restlessness. It was at the point of realizing this uncomfortable state of being that I wanted to cook something delicious for dinner without having to labor extra hard with complex cooking tricks, tedious cutting and the use of half my kitchen tools.

Thanks to a memory of an old friend who cooked me a similar dish in the past, I decided to prepare something simple and tasty: Baked Chicken Paprika. It turned out delicious...perhaps one of the tastier things I have ever prepared.

Rub some rock salt on 2 1/2-3 lbs. of chicken pieces, and place on a baking pan thinly coated with olive oil. I would recommend dark meat pieces (legs, thighs) to allow for sinful drippings. Season the chicken with paprika, and sprinkle a bit of cracked peppercorn (optional) for a bit more kick. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees, and then cook for 55-60 minutes depending on the amount of chicken.

For long weekdays, this is a perfect bachelor's dinner to prepare.

A Review of Cathay Pacific

For the first time in years, I flew Cathay Pacific to travel home and received little pleasant surprises in the quality of several aspects of this air traveling experience. At first, I was skeptical about the prospects of enjoying my flight given it's ridiculously long duration (I traveled for 29 hours plus stopovers, including refuelling - and de-icing of the wings - in Alaska, after traveling to Toronto, and before Hong Kong and eventually changing planes to Manila). Moreover, I left for the airport after a full day at the office, so the fatigue was kicking in. I was hesitant in applying to the Marco Polo Club, the first airline membership for which I had to pay a sizeable fee. In the end, the entire check-in to arrival process finessed an otherwise exhausting journey to be with my girlfriend.

Cathay Pacific did a fantastic job of making the experience simple, and simple travel is most desirable for a long trip. For example, the Marco Polo Club membership allowed me to basically bypass long lines at the check-in counter and the gate, expediting the check-in and boarding process at a speed I had never imagined. Upon entry, the flight attendants were more jovial than other airline attendants, and were quite helpful. Throughout the flight, the flight attendants had no qualms about offering drinks or snacks to the people who could not wait for the main meals in order to satisfy their needs. In my previous experiences with other airlines, flight attendants looked disgruntled when asked to serve drinks at times other than meal time. I also believe that the quality of the food was a hundred times better than other airlines, a point which is extremely important for long flights.

In terms of entertainment, the new economy class seats provided me with numerous options for television, gaming, movies, music and just watching the navigation of the plane. TV was on demand, and included a few episodes of CSI, Heroes, The Wire, Everybody Loves Raymond, Friends, and the Flight of the Conchords to name a few. I spent most of my time catching up with movies I had missed over the past few months, including National Treasure: Book of Secrets, The Golden Compass, and Beowulf. The music selection was limited, but diverse, and functioned like your normal music player with a shuffle-type of setting among other options. There were probably 40-plus video games, from arcade-type space invaders to simple hangman, and 3D shooters to Who Wants to be a Millionaire. On my way to back to New York, this served to distract me from a somewhat painful goodbye hours earlier, and it did its job.

One of the more trippy functions on the plane is the digital navigational map, which shows the route of the plane from a three-dimensional angle. I enjoyed it because it made the trip feel shorter. For those who are acrophobic, avoid the channel that shows a feed of a camera lodged at the base of the airplane. You can see the sky and the bottom of the airplane in real time; the view of the base of the plane and the faint moon shining against it is quite a visual at night.

Perhaps my only complaint about the economy class seats is that they are not wide enough for me. Having said that, the distance between my seat and the seat in front of me is slightly more spacious than other airlines, so legroom is not too much of a problem.

Overall, I would recommend Cathay Pacific for long travel. The service and the people factor are a huge bonus, in addition to the already high quality economy travel.

Now, if I only had funds for a business class seat (bed)...or first class.

The End of Winter

With the flash of a thought, the cool, wet winter that started after arriving from my eventful and historic trip to Tokyo is now over. In the same period of time, a long-lasting friendship has transformed into a serious, romantic and loving relationship. Yet in reflecting on where and who I was in November 2007 compared to the present, the pivotal winter felt like an eternity of growth and self-discovery.

Driving around New York, I see the colors coming back to life, as spring is showing itself slowly but surely. I am waking up every morning with the hope that what I have found over 5 months ago will transform into several new colorsand shades as well, and that one day, at the soonest time possible, views of the seasons from my bedroom window will be shared with the one person I miss the most.

Jet-Lagged Emotions

I underestimated how difficult it would be to part ways with my girlfriend once again. The all too familiar drama scene at the airport reminded me of the challenging nature of long distance relationships, and reinforced the parameters that I have discerned would keep this particular relationship strong and steady.

Part of my absence from this blog was due to the media/communication hiatus in which my girlfriend and I agreed to partake as we decided to spend some quiet, quality time together during my one week trip home. I did, however, have several opportunities to post something new, but I simply could not clear the clutter in my head that has prevented from me writing anything sound.

Here I am now, jet-lagged like crazy, and the only thing I can say is...I miss my girlfriend immensely. The irony of this extraordinary relationship is the fact that it is surrounded by the most unnatural of circumstances, where services of the internet and telecommunications are relied upon to replace simple touches, affection, nearness, loving stares and sweet nothings...where coming home to an empty apartment is routine for the both of us...where opinions of movies, books, shows, stories are exchanged through the passage of a microphone and speakers, instant messaging windows, daily emails, and blogs, and not face to face, or in a car driving home from work.

I could spend a lot of time dwelling on how difficult the distance has been, and is now that I am re-realizing a life away from her, only a couple of days after sharing food, love and laughter in person, but perhaps I shouldn't. Perhaps I should start thinking about the next steps. Perhaps it is time to bring our relationship one step closer to being physically together on a permanent basis.

Blog Under Spiritual and Visual Renovation

In tune with this ontological change I've been experiencing over my years here in the United States, and in commemoration of its 101st post, I decided to give this blog a makeover and give it some serious traction in terms of viewership. Putter around the page and observe the first round of improvements. I invite you to subscribe when you can.

My 100th Post

About two years later, I have found myself in an entirely different place and living a life that is a far cry from the lost and somewhat slower life that once served as the premise on which this blog was created. To commemorate the life of Confessions of a Sensitive Man, I will list down some random, important and not-so important insights that have, and are continuing to contribute to the shaping of my life:

1. Many people have found this blog and reached out to me because they were part of broken engagements. On that note, I only wish for those readers that which has hopefully been evident from the evolution of this blog: we grow, live, forgive ourselves and others, and become happy.

2. Accordingly, I want this blog to completely shed its identity of being the bulletin board of a once broken man. I am tempted to erase old posts just because I knew I was a different person back then, but then my journey and story would not be so apparent if I did some erasing.

3. I am going home soon, and am damn happy about it.

4. I finally get to see my girlfriend after 4 months of creative relations and communications. Realization: I do not recommend long-distance relationships, unless you believe you've found the one, are creative and disciplined in keeping in touch, and have made some plans to be together in the near future.

5. I listen to classical music on my to work and back home. The opportunity for road rage or even negative thoughts has diminished significantly and miraculously.

6. Not all was lost during the writer's strike. I started getting into "The Office"(http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/) and has been a constant source of crazy entertainment.

7. Today, on my way to the office, I was waiting at an intersection with a school bus in front of me. I noticed a bunch of wacky kids waving at me. I waved back, and one of the girls raised her fist in the air as if she was just chosen from the audience to compete on The Price is Right. The rest of the kids kept on waving and started making weird gestures. After a few bouts of misinterpretation, I realized what it was they wanted from me. So I started honking my horn to a corny playful beat. The kids went into a frenzy and started giving me "thumbs up" signs. I'm glad I contributed to somebody's happiness today.

8. I have a new project in the works, and it involves music. Could this be it?

9. The recurrence of nerve problems down my leg has prompted me to go back to my doctor and a physical therapist. In order for me to avoid surgery, I need to strengthen my back and abdominal area. Perhaps this is the kick in the ass from God that has gotten me to become more disciplined in taking care of my body and shaping up. Perhaps, it is a true blessing in disguise.

10. I bought new hot chocolate flavored Pop-Tarts. Delicious. Get some now.

Mariska Hargitay and Robin Williams Sighting

As soon as I figure out how to transfer photos from my now obsolete mobile phone onto this computer, I will post blurry pics of Robin Williams and Mariska Hargatay shooting several takes for an upcoming Law & Order SVU episode in Grand Central Terminal on a late Friday evening. It's bizarre seeing Robin Williams a good 15 feet away from where I was standing. It almost felt like a cartoon had come to life.

It was a logistical headache for the film staff shooting the country's number one drama in a public commuter area. The handful of floor staff could barely keep the public from inching closer with their cameras and phone cameras aimed at the tandem, like a bunch of neophyte paparazzi trying to get what ever they can. When the staff would push the crowd to one side, the public found another angle from which they could position their curious observations.

To make matters even more interesting, it was quite difficult for the staff to distinguish bystanders from the "bystander" actors directed to walk past the stars during the take. Of course, if you took a look around, those with a bit more make-up, or those who were frozen at the whim of the director were demonstrably the actors called to fill up the crowd scene. Being my randomly insane self, I decided to "freeze" with the acting crowd, hoping that the camera would catch even a glimpse of the serious-looking asian lawyer on screen. I don't watch the show at all, but now I have given myself a reason to check out the episode with Robin Williams guest starring. Vain? Perhaps.

Suffice it to say, I am starstruck yet again and oddly enough, for the third time this year, the starstruck event was related to Law & Order SVU.

Long Distance Ritual: Salmon Asparagus Pasta

Admittedly, it has been awhile since my girlfriend and I exchanged recipes pursuant to our little "long distance ritual," as described in full detail in a prior post. To add a bit of humiliation, she's been giving me more recipes than vice versa...in fact, I don't think I have given her anything to cook thus far. Well, today, after saying good night to her (time-zone consequences), I went through a not-so-normal bout of missing her and started to feel the significant distance at an odd time of the day. Luckily for me, I finished up work early and took the opportunity to swing by the supermarket to gather some fish and ingredients, and attempt to concoct something delicious for dinner. After all, it's about time that I live up to my end of the promise/ritual and give her something to try out in the cucina.

The result?

Salmon Asparagus Pasta. It's a cream-based sauce, but because of the portions, it came out lighter than expected.

Ingredients:

1 bunch of Asparagus, cut into about 1-inch pieces

Half a box of Angel Hair pasta

1.5 Tbsp Butter

1/2 Cup Heavy Cream

Grated Parmesan Cheese

Lemon Pepper

2/3- 1 lb. Salmon fillet

2-3 Garlic Cloves, minced

Parsley

Rock/Kosher Salt

Cracked Black Pepper

Recipe:

Place salmon fillet on baking sheet (I used an olive oil cooking spray over the sheet). Season your salmon fillet with the salt and black pepper, and then add the parsley and minced garlic over the fillet. Preheat your oven to 450 degrees. Bake for around 12 minutes or until salmon is flakey.

Boil a pot for your pasta, but before you place the pasta inside the pot, put in the asparagus pieces for around 2 minutes to soften the asparagus a bit, but not too long so that it remains firm. Take out the asparagus, and then cook angel hair pasta with boiling pot.

On a skillet, melt the butter, and then add asparagus pieces. Toss to coat. Add the cream and the lemon pepper. Heat until cream begins to thicken. Add pasta, salmon, Parmesan cheese and cracked black pepper, then toss. Voila!

An Ice Cream Phase 2008

It was probably over 5 years ago when I made one of the biggest steps towards a healthier lifestyle. That was the year that I decided to take softdrinks out of my diet entirely (although if absolutely necessary, I will take an orange soda or a small coke once in awhile for lack of having an alternative available). I stepped it up and started drinking more water and juice, and then became less groggy, full and bloated for the years to follow. The second biggest step was cutting down my ice cream intake. I believe at one point, I lasted more than a year without touching ice cream once. Once in a blue moon, I will return to an ice cream phase, which simply translates to finishing up one container and not buying ice cream for another year or so.

My ice cream phase has returned, and this phase's winning indulgence for the first quarter of 2008 goes to ... Edy's Vanilla Sandwich flavor.

During my childhood, I always used to buy grocery brand vanilla sandwiches (not klondikes, or ice cream sandwich wannabes), primarily because of the sequence of taste that fills the mouth when biting gently into a soft but firm chocolate "cookie" while the taste of vanilla cream spreads over my taste buds like a refreshing milkshake. Unfortunately for me, I never really learned how to finish an ice cream sandwich without making a mess of myself, whether it be staining fingers with melted chocolate cookie, allowing vanilla ice cream to drip on my lap, or creating a brown and white mustache.

Decades later, Edy's decided to make life easier for me. Peculiarly, it tastes nothing like your typical cookies n' cream flavor.

So, if you like ice cream and haven't been to the frozen section of the grocery in a long time, take a trip and see what kind of creative new flavors are available.

And the World Grows Old with You...

Have you ever been disoriented by the sight of college kids crawling and rolling down the street in drunken stupor, not because the laughable image is somewhat annoying, but because there was a time in your life when people looking that young were still high schoolers? Do you remember that one day you had a conversation with friends and realized that many of your former schoolmates and other friends are getting married or having children? How about the shocking news that some acquaintances have passed on due to medical complications that are not typical in persons in their mid-20's to early-30's? How did you react when you heard updates of friends becoming regional managers at a big consumer company, or have the title "VP" attached to their name?

The 30-year mark of my existence in this world beckons on the eve of the launch of the Beijing Summer Olympics. The Chinese are very particular about numbers, and have found that the number 8 is an extremely lucky digit to have around, so much so that the Olympic organizers have decided to launch the Olympics on August 8, 2008, at 8 minutes after 8. It isn't the number 8, however, that is swimming in my mind like a guppy dropped in a goblet of merlot. The number 30 is upon me, and surprisingly, I invite it with open arms and heart-pumping anticipation.

This is the year that I become the stories I have witnessed thus far, and take life to an all new level. It is the time for me to shape my career with utmost prudence, and take it down a balanced path of uncertainty, excitement and reasonable calculation. It is the period in which I allow the smallest of mistakes and annoyances to become challenges, and the fatigue of having a year-older body, an opportunity to return to a rejuvenated physical and emotional state of being. This is the year when music, interests, relationships, goals and travel merge into one scheme of life. This is definitely the year that calls me to be as mature as an adult as I need to be, and removal of all the "unnecessaries" and complications becomes a priority. This is also a year when I must take up one notch my responsibility to myself and those most important to me.

Appropriately, it is the Olympics that houses the slogan, "Faster - Higher - Stronger," and as the world grows older, such a simple yet powerful thematic motivation could not have come at a better time...and to mark my 30 years, an even more precise celebration, down to the day and down to the minute. 8:08.

Compatibility Measured Through Candy

Yes. Another cheesy post is at hand, so I'll keep this one short.

My girlfriend and I were chatting online about candy, and suddenly launched into a conversation about skittles. I told her that I would never eat skittles again in a movie theater because the lighting was too dim to distinguish one flavored skittle over the other, and that I only liked the green (lime), yellow (lemon) and orange (orange ... duh) flavors. Sometimes when we chat online, we end up sending messages to each other simultaneously (that's just the nature of the communication). It just so happens that as I had sent her my message of skittles preferences, she had sent me a message at the same time stating that the only skittles flavors she eats are the purple (grape) and the red ones (cherry).

I could end this post with a cheesy, "We are indeed a match made in candy heaven," but instead I will just say that the money I invest in buying skittles from now on will not be put to total waste ever again.

Celebrity Sighting...Again

In true New York form, I found myself bumping into yet another star on the streets today (see previous posts on Kevin James, Mariska Hargitay, The Brand New Heavies etc.). Rihanna, known for her hit "Umbrella" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdPScXhaztg), was in her SUV surrounded by bodyguards and policemen, as a big crowd congregated in a semi-circle, as if gravitating slowly and collectively like an organism of some sort to the passenger seat where Rihanna was situated. I decided to join the amoeba of people and take a look. Starstruck yet again.

Speaking of Rihanna, Mandy Moore (one of my guilty pleasures now - and I will explain later so keep on reading) did a cover of "Umbrella". I must say, it was actually pretty cool. Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMB6YOWzQMY

As for Mandy Moore, her music has gained my respect ever since she came out with remakes of old rock pop song classics, "Can we still be friends?" by Todd Rundgren (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Olc1PTyeCzM), and "Breaking Us in Two" by Joe Jackson (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6C-xazgqpPc). If you get a chance, listen to Mandy's versions (I know...I'm making it sound like she and I are close) and compare. The production quality is excellent, and Mandy's voice puts a good spin to these once soft tunes.

Long Distance Rituals

I never thought that it would be such a challenge to maintain an intense long-distance relationship. My girlfriend and I have had an online friendship for the past few years, grounded by high school memories, and continued intermittently through a 15-year period of platonic banter...yet even if we had built a solid foundation of uber comfort, the stakes have been raised, and now we're in a serious commitment. Instant messaging isn't the same as it used to be.

We wondered what it would take to "be in a commitment" though physically separated. At the end of our brainstorming, we decided to get creative, and somewhat dedicate our little tasks and accomplishments in our respective cities to each other. Sounds vague, yes...but I believe an example is appropriate to illustrate this airyfairy mantra:

Since we are both foodies, we came up with the idea of giving each other simple recipes to try and cook.

She would give me a recipe, then cook that recipe herself, and then I would attempt to mimic what she did and cook it myself, and then vice versa. Recently, she decided to give me a new recipe of sole fillet with a honey dijon marinade. The challenge was on. For good measure, I decided to steam some garlic broccoli, and prepare a side of tri-colore fusilli pasta with a light parsley-butter sauce and baby bella mushrooms.

Well, I tried cooking it for dinner tonight, and here are the results. The only sole fillets available were very thinly cut, so due to overmarinading, the fillets broke up into little shreds, looking like poor excuses for pale chicken strips. The taste was very tangy and light. I liked it very much, although next time, I'm going to reduce the amount of honey I use for the marinade and perhaps increase the tabasco. Cooking needs its adjustments so that the end result is "just right" after a few attempts, and fittingly, it will be these little rituals and adjustments that will steadily help us to get better at this thing called a long-distance relationship.

Poise and Composure at the Doctor

Today, I went to the doctor for a check-up, but made the mistake of going to the bathroom ahead of the appointment, forgetting that I had to give a urine sample (no, I am not an athlete that has been selected for random testing). The personnel in the clinic needed a sample and suggested that I wait around until my body decides that it is time to go again.

So, in the waiting room, the youngest patient around - me - all dressed up in his little lawyer-suit and tie, decided to speed things up a bit, for work was beckoning. Next to me was a water dispenser and a pile of unused plastic cups. I took one of the cups and realized that it was quite a small container. As I bent down to reach the dispenser handle, I filled the cup with water, and started my "fast-track" mission to expedite the production of this oh so important urine sample. I took my first drink, and realized that it was like taking only a double-shot in quantity. So, I bent over again, to fill the cup once more. While the refreshing feeling of drinking the water affirmed to me that the enjoyability factor was working, the disappointing lack of "sensation" in my bladder started to tell me that a couple of double-shots were far from sufficient to get the job done.

So I kept on bending down, filling up my cup and drinking, bending down, filling up my cup and drinking. Eventually, there was just complete silence in the waiting room, except the sound of a plastic dispenser being moved, water pouring onto a cup and me gulping in the liquid. The older patients around just stared at me and maintained a smirk as if to say, "Hehehe. The kid has to pee..." I just looked at them and said with my eyes and fake smile, "how you doin' folks? Minding your own business?" The lab technician and receptionist also took notice of my attempt to drain this water dispenser of the supply that someone will surely need after me, but did not say anything presumably because they did not want to humiliate me, or they just didn't care.

There was a chair next to the dispenser, so I tried sitting down to be less inconspicuous with my mission of the hour. Alas, it was too far and cumbersome a reach for me to sit down with my legs crossed and reach over to fill my cup again between 10-second intervals (the time it takes me to finish my cup). So, I stood up every 15 seconds or so refill and then realized that people were staring in amusement. In a defensive reactionary move, I then picked up a Sports Illustrated to read on my lap to make it look like I was not the least bit embarassed about the situation, but realized that was stupid too, as I had to put the magazine down every 15 seconds to stand up, making me look even more idiotic as I fetched more water from the well. At the end of it all, I decided to go back to my standing-around-the-water-dispenser-and-bending-down-to-refill-my-cup routine like a dude in a bar alone drinking shots quickly and pretending that he had friends or a date showing up to keep him company.

It didn't help that a personnel member went up to me several cups later and handed me a sample cup saying in front of everyone, "sir, please fill this up when you are ready."

It finally took me maybe a gallon of water or 12 double-shots of H2O to get me going. That my friends is my urine story of the day.

The Best Christmas and The Best Present

I'm in such good spirits notwithstanding this relentless cough and pinched nerve in my back that is keeping me from enjoying movement and comfort freely (not to mention the nasal congestion that is preventing me from tasting my food). I think people would guess that I just completed what I would consider to be the best holiday season ever, spending time at home with my family, friends, and of course my new girlfriend/old friend. Well, because the truth of the matter is simple, then there is no need to delve into detail and fully describe the events that constituted the most amazing two Christmas weeks ever.

There is, however, a need to blog about what I consider to be one of the best Christmas presents, if not, the best Christmas present I have ever received. Allow me first of all to briefly distinguish between Christmas presents and gifts before I describe the present I received. My take on gifts is something a bit more macro, intangible and experienced. Presents are tangible, wrapped and given. The best Christmas present I have received thus far was given to me by my girlfriend (big guess there).

She decided to dig deep into our past and construct an awesome reminder of our first few years as friends. Let me describe it. Within a rectangular frame is a picture of me and her on Christmas Eve 1993 - high school days - posing awkwardly as her mother memorialized a holiday image of us. I was much narrower in frame and had braces like any other geeky teen. I was wearing a big t-shirt and baggy jeans...and I had an undercut (give me a break, it was the in-thing back in the day). My arm was somewhat placed behind her, but not around her waist, although the picture makes it look like I have my arm around her. Sneaky. She was also wearing a big t-shirt and baggy jeans, and had her long long high school hair and a headband. There's a smirk on her face presumably shaped in reaction to the teasing that was going on behind the camera at the time. Body language? Her arms were crossed. Go figure.

The frame also included a Christmas card dated December 25, 1992, in which I greeted her Merry Christmas and thanked her for being a wonderful person even if I had just met her at the time (we met because I was supposed to be her senior prom date, but she decided not to take me). Notably, the message in the card was short compared to the novels of writing I would give to friends during my high school days. Accordingly, I wrote the following P.S. - "sorry so short...no time :)" What can I say? Things you do as a kid. But it didn't matter I guess. She admitted to me she had a crush on me back then (I had one on her too) so I got away with it.

To top it all off, my girlfriend, the artist, decided to draw her rendition of the streets of Tokyo around the card and picture, to symbolize how far we have gotten from being high school crushes up to Tokyo in November when things started anew.

That's it for the great Christmas present. How about greatest Christmas gift this year? Well, I think it's pretty obvious at this point.