5 Items for Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving can be somewhat of a confusing holiday. People simply don't know what to do or figure out the holiday's purpose. Many people find those questions irrelevant since society has reduced the social celebration into an annual vacation with a buddy or two. Many find this end of November event to be a family affair, serving as a precursor to the Christmas season. To others, it is the opportunity to line up outside Wal-Mart before 5 in the morning with the hope of beating others to that very limited supply of 42 inch digital flatscreen TVs, originally priced at $1,677, and now, thanks to Turkey Day, at a mere $989.

I thought about lining up for the Wal-Mart spree. I backed out because I wasn't in shape thanks to my newly discovered herniated disc (I hear that yearly, a significant percentage of people arrested right around the end of November, and charged with assault and battery are Wal-Mart customers engaging in this sale madness). Plus, I can't deal with the stress of having Wal-Mart staff hide the TVs in some other random department before the doors open (i.e. placing the TVs next to the lawn equipment).

Because I'm not from this country, I would not dare preach about the meaning of Thanksgiving. I would like however, to make a suggestion for those people who may be looking for a more meaningful holiday.

Simply write down 5 things you are thankful for. You don't have to say it or do anything about it. Just write it. Writing can be a form or manifestation of one of the everyday things people have most difficulty in achieving...self-admission - putting pride and self-centeredness in the backseat just to appreciate what is in front of you.

Here's my list:

1. The lives of the strangers who saved me (and of course, being alive).
2. My caring sacrificing family.
3. Passing the Bar examinations and being a lawyer.
4. Being able to play the piano.
5. My inboxes.

Happy Turkey Day. Oh, and yes, I'm buying that flatscreen TV, but at the regular price with financing.

The Inbox

The Inbox.

Your voicemail, email, recording machine, and mailbox.

On a pretty bad level, these inboxes are at times full of crap, spam, telemarketing practice speeches, and family "love."

On a tolerable more neutral level, they are full of messages from old friends you haven't seen in years or not so close friends you don't feel like talking to. Here, it is your mood or present physiological condition that determines whether these messages are worthy of your attention and response.

On a very good level, inboxes are full of responses from your crush, admission letters from graduate schools, rebate and refund confirmations, gossip and unexpected affirmations and compliments from people you want to hear from.

This is one example of how some people's brains would process (and categorize) information upon looking at through their inbox. It's a routine. Like all normal activity, however, the most ordinary and regular of routines can be brought under a new light after the occurrence of shocking events...like a car accident.

My inboxes have been more of a crutch than a chore since October 16, 2006. The number of messages I had received after the accident - on my voicemail, email addresses etc. - reflected the amount of good relationships I developed over the years and it is my intention to preserve those relationships to the best of my ability.

It also made me think about small notes, hellos, and other messages I had ignored in the past. Think about it. You have one friend who drops hellos once in a while. You ignore her for months thinking that she'll be around anyway to talk to some other time. Then you brush death. Will you be around to ask her how she's doing?

Think about it. People are going out of their way and breaking their routine to ensure that they are preserving their relationship with you.

Changes Post-Trauma

Just some random thoughts about how things are changing around here:

1. I have made up with my ex-fiancee. We are now friends again. I found the inner peace needed to gently close the book on one long story and continue another one through friendship. Many have asked me if I would go back to her. Quite honestly, I don't even want to answer that question because it's just irrelevant at this very moment. Equally, having a sure answer to that question and not telling anyone what the answer is should not be brought to any kind of speculation. I'm just glad that I reached a point of really moving on. To think, it wasn't dating and living my life alone that led me to this peace...it was more of the combination of dating, living my life alone, and experiencing a near fatal accident that brought me to healing this once tumultuous relationship.

2. I am considering cutting beef and pork from my diet for 2007.

3. A blessing in disguise - I prayed may darndest to recover fully and quickly. A surprise herniated disc kept that prayer from being answered. After a few days of sadness, I realized that there was something good in all of this. The herniated disc will be treated by constant physical therapy and the strengthening of my lower back. It will be supplemented by exercises, and other forms of specific physical activity. Furthermore, the condition is easier to treat with a stronger upper body in general. A big stomach won't help support good posture, and a faulty posture will not help alleviate my condition. Thus, we go back to number 2.

4. I need to start planning my future in such a way that I have the time and resources to take care of my family in the same way they have taken care of me.

5. It's time to regain the inner faith that the right woman will come into my life. It's been a long time waiting. I haven't been in a relationship in a while. Don't get me wrong, I'm not rushing into anything right now. This is more of a self-reminder to relax. I have a good career ahead of me, a fresh perspective on life, some confidence in meeting with people and the belief that the right person will just walk into my life when it's supposed to happen. Being single with the prospect of meeting someone at anytime may be one of the more exciting feelings anyone can have.

6. It's time to bring my work ethic to a new level as a real attorney. It's time to perform.

Life begins again.

I am a Lawyer

Yes.

It is true. I am a lawyer. Officially.

The NY Bar results were just released this morning. My mother and sister have been taking care of me since the accident last month and today must've been their best morning yet. I stepped outside of my room after checking online whether I made it.

"I'm a lawyer."

My family started jumping up and down. It was a funny scene to say the least.

Unfortunately, I am an injured lawyer. My doctor just called to tell me that he was surprised by the MRI results on my back. Apparently, I am suffering from a herniated disc in the lumbar level. The hernia is pinching a nerve that goes down my right leg. Thus, the leg soreness. If the pain on my leg persists (yes leg, not back), then surgery will be required.

They are however, optimistic that surgery will not be needed given my quick progress. Doc says that there are other ways to fix my problem...

...like Pilates and Yoga.

I am a NY lawyer ready to litigate the most complex of securities and corporate fraud cases.

I am also a NY lawyer ready to bend like a pretzel and place my right heel next to my left ear.

Accident

Just an informational post:

I was involved in a horrific car accident the other week. I will not get into too much detail, but let's just say that my car rolled over the guard rail along the Bronx River Parkway, rolling over another 4 times against a 4-story high boulder-filled hill and ending up slightly immersed in the Bronx River.

I suffered a subdural hemotoma meaning my brain was (and still is) bleeding, but only to a minor degree. I had one bruise on my leg and a couple of scratches on my hands. I suffered no neck or chest injuries and no broken bones. No stitches were needed as well.

Now, I am in constant pain because of the headaches and leg soreness. I will be undergoing physical therapy next week. My doctors told me I should be back at work in no time. I have been discharged from the hospital, and now my family is here taking care of me.

That's it for now. I hope to get the stories up and running soon. A lot of strange emotional things have happened since the accident.

One last thing...I was told that statistically, this kind of accident on this specific parkway virtually leaves no survivors. "Lucky to be alive" is an understatement.

Cheesecake Fondue Therapy

Yes. You heard me.

Cheesecake Fondue. It is the most amazing dessert I have tasted in years. It is also the perfect way to end a Saturday evening after a week of craziness. It's therapy.

I didn't know what it was until it presented itself to me. I thought that they threw half a cheesecake into a melting pot, turned up the heat and voila. Fondue. Well, that's partially correct I guess considering they don't throw in the crust along with the cheese portion.

On a Saturday that made me want to mix drinks from "Irish Car Bombs" http://www.cocktail.com/recipes/i/IrishCarBomb.htm to Riesling, I ended up asking the waitress for a couple of glasses of water to wash down the dessert that I was about to devour.

I love fruits, but not as much as the bad stuff - cookies, chocolates etc.

What a dream come true. The silvery fondue pot was placed on a tray. On the tray:

1. Oreos
2. Vanilla Wafers
3. Marshmallows
4. Graham Crackers

Oh, and strawberries.

Prior to this dessertful enagagement, my friend Sharon and I had just eaten the best guacamole in New York on top of stuffing ourselves with Shrimp Empanadas, Shrimp Pancakes, and Mexican Barbeque Ribs at Dos Caminos http://www.brguestrestaurants.com/restaurants/dos_caminos_park/index.php. We told ourselves that we were just going to drink after that. True to form, we ended up not drinking (after she had bought me a kamikaze shot http://cocktails.about.com/od/atozcocktailrecipes/r/kmkze_cktl.htm thinking it would keep me awake for the next hour), and started attacking a fondue dish good for three people (we eventually met up with 5 other friends who barely touched the fondue).


If you're in town, drop by Dip. Cheesecake Fondue. I'm telling you, it's sinful beyond evil.
http://www.dipnyc.com/

Good Deeds

Keith Ferrazzi (nevereatalone.com) once spoke about the use of "currencies" in relationships. In a manner of speaking, relationships contain a dynamic trade of currencies that help get the ball rolling when it comes to making true genuine connections with others - favors, actions, help, and even simple compliments. This is not to be confused with the concept of favor equity - counting how many times you've helped someone only to expect them to pay you back in a commensurate way.

I remember talking to Keith once about these currencies, and when I gave him a sincere compliment about how his book had changed my life, he told me that that was a great example of setting out these currencies in building meaningful relationships.

Relationships however, vary in degree depending on who you are experiencing or encountering. The relationship you have with your mother reflects years of more than just mere currency exchange; it reflects the long-term development of a presumably strong foundation. It reflects family. On the other hand, the stranger on the street reflects just another passer-by...that is, until you decide to smile at him or her. Even in that scenario, you have given a simple effortless currency in furtherance of relationship building, albeit, a short-lived, casual, yet rich and meaningful one.

This is why I like good deeds. It is the manifest and illustrative currency used for building these mini-relationships with the absolute stranger.

In one minor example, I helped a woman carry her baby stroller down a steep stairway at the train station...and boy, it felt good. I know, tons of people do it in NY (yes, I've seen many people do it), and I don't claim to be the most generous person in the world, but boy...it felt good. These mini-relationships always get me going.

This is a disposition and attitude that I would like to have for the rest of my life. It's a far cry from the jackass new yorker attitude I wore a few weeks back. It's also something I wouldn't want to lose after getting into the groove of litigation.

Speaking of which, I'm at work and it's 9:30 pm. If you read this, take time out to help someone you see on the street, on your way to work...whatever. If you allow it to be spiritually refreshing, then it will be. Plus you get to make someone else's day better than it already is.

Apple Store Part III

Guess who's in the Apple Store again at 5 in the morning.

Now that I live outside of Manhattan, I have 2 choices to make when it comes to going out at night:

1. I make the ridiculously long commute and cut my night short by taking the last train out north which is at 1 in the morning from Grand Central.

2. I make the ridiculously long commute and make my night extremely long by waiting for the first train Sunday morning which is at 5:35 am.

*note how I don't make going out in Westchester an option.

Number 2 is tolerable so as long as I have friends to hang out with or a place to stay before my train leaves and I can save money. Unfortunately, number 2 was a failed experiment tonight. My friends who wanted to do karaoke all night ended up going home at 1:30, conveniently after the last train had left. Furthermore, they went home with their significant others, so hanging out in the living room while they were getting their freak on might not have been the best of ideas for any of us. So now I'm here again. The Apple Store. Moreover, instead of saving money, I had since bought a slice of pizza, a gray's papaya hotdog, and now will spend a few more bucks to get to Grand Central after finishing this post. Even more annoying is the fact that my car is parked in a train station garage in Westchester and I had only paid for parking up until 3 am. I expect to get a ticket for $15 when i get back.

Lonely, expensive and dietarily unhealthy.

Oh, and some random police officer waiting in his car had nothing better to do during his shift, so he decided to point his dumb laser light (presumably one he had just bought from duane reade or something) on my chest as I had walked across 2 streets.

I am a Jackass New Yorker

Last night, I was in a hurry to meet up with some friends in Manhattan. I had made the long commute from Westchester on a train and was late for my little alcohol rendezvous. I decided to flag down a cab along Lexington Avenue. To my dismay, all of the cabs were occupied and I was getting frustrated. 15 minutes later, I saw an available cab half a block up, and I raised my hand as if summoning a servant to hurry up and get me some water. I then started running toward the cab and finally made it to the passenger door with my hand on the handle. At that very moment, a young man and his girlfriend - all dressed up in their new designer clothes - start to enter the cab on the other side.

I never thought it was in me, but I gave him a mean stare. . . the type country fathers give to the farmboys found with their daughter in her bedroom and right before raising and aiming a 2-barrel shotgun to the boy's face (and ass as he jumps out the window). Then, I raised both hands and said "for God's sake man," and then I started running toward a cab a few feet away that had just become available. A split second after I turned away, I heard the guy say, "Hey buddy, it's no problem, we'll just get another cab."

At the time of his statement, I hadn't realized what he had said. When I got into the new cab, I noticed that even after I had chosen the new cab, the couple decided to let the disputed cab go, and then they stood on the sidewalk waiting for another cab, presumably for the next few minutes.

Lesson learned. Not everyone in New York is a jackass. The second you make that presumption, you become susceptible to being one yourself.

Welcome to New York AcidJazzBoy. You really are a bitchass bastard.

My Ipod is Dead

I can't believe this. I had such a sad day. After two hours of waiting for some help with my comatose Ipod and helping a total stranger find her birth certificate and other vital documents/information(http://acidjazzboy.blogspot.com/2006/08/blogging-from-apple-store-and-saving.html), the "geniuses" of Apple couldn't do a thing. Suddenly, the Apple Store along 5th Avenue didn't seem like the electronics version of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory; it was more like a killer season finale of ER.

My Ipod is dead.

It's too expensive to get it fixed and there is no guarantee that the hard drive will not self-discombobulate again. It's gone only after a bit over a year. Yes. The warranty has expired.

I can't tell which was worse, the death of my Ipod - a comfort purchase I made in California after bumping into my ex-fiancee - or the guilt of buying a new Ipod Nano while trimming the weight of the wallet and bank account. I seriously felt guilty for buying a new one. I feel better now after listening to the new Brand New Heavies song "Let's Do It Again" from their new album "Get Used to It." http://www.myspace.com/thebrandnewheavies

It's a good thing I don't have a pet. . . or even worse, a tamagotchi. http://www.mimitchi.com/html/q1.htm

Blogging from the Apple Store and Saving Someone's Life

So my Ipod crashed on me today. All my songs are gone and I'm upset. It's a good thing that all my music is on my computer. To think, I was so excited too this morning because the Brand New Heavies came out with a new album and they had reunited with their star singer N'Dea Davenport. The album is awesome. It's no Brother Sister, but it's definitely worth looking at. In any case, I'm here at the Apple store on 59 st. and 5th Ave. and it is RIDICULOUS.

The store is underground located right at the lawn of the General Motors Building. The entrance is this louvre-like glass structure protruding from the ground with a huge white apple icon hanging in the middle for all to see. A spiral staircase (translucent as you might have guessed) leads down into this basement full of Apple products waiting to be purchased and samples of products being abused by the freeloader consumer public (i.e. me right now blogging on a Mac mini). The genius bar line is quite long. I think 20 people are staffed at the moment behind the genius bar, 6 of which are around to fix the Ipods of New York. It's around 6:10 PM and my appointment is at 7.

The real story though was getting here. I was visiting a close friend, a med student living in Murray Hill, and decided to take a cab to the Apple Store from NYU medical center after checking out her new apartment. When I entered the cab, I noticed a folder in the backseat. It was a typical letter sized folder with a mix of documents of different sizes and colors. . . uhr, at least that's what I had observed from the open side of the folder.

I told the cab driver that his previous passenger had left a crapload of important documents in his backseat and the driver flipped. He got the folder, and while driving 45 MPH through rush hour traffic along First Ave., he tried looking for a phone number. He literally had the passenger's birth certificate a millimeter away from his nose. . . and that's when I told him I could help him (especially since I was pretty sure that current phone numbers aren't normally found on your birth certificate).

The passenger was applying for a social security card. All her credit cards were in the folder and her parents' info including SS numbers were written all over the place. I found her phone number and decided to call her.

She flipped. She was screaming like a 90's murder-horror-screamer victim. She couldn't believe how "stupid" she was. Of course I calmed her down and told her that I would take care of the documents until she could get them from me. She basically said that I saved her life, and well, that's an ok thing to hear after a long day.

That's it for now. I think I will check out some more Apple products I will never buy in this lifetime. Check out the new Brand New Heavies Album. It's on Itunes.

Three Episodes

1. The I Hate Myself Episode: The other week, my friends treated me out to dinner for my birthday at this funky Japanese restaurant for some sushi in midtown. Upon entering the restaurant, there was a vestibule with two antique chairs (presumably for waiting), and flanked by glass doors leading into the actual dining area. My friends were, as expected, pretty late and I was sitting down on one of the wooden "thrones" facing the outside. After a few more minutes, two of my friends showed up but were waiting for everyone else before being seated because Times Square customs dictate that you may not be seated unless your entire party is present.

While we were waiting, a young woman in office clothes and with a company ID walked into the vestibule presumably to make a reservation with the restaurant. She was a small lady and appeared to have deformities on her hands. More specifically, she had shrunk hands and barely any fingers.

Then, I (the idiot, as you will see) placed myself in a dilemma that I figured would be a lose-lose situation. And of course, knowing my luck with self-fulfilling prophecies, it ended up as being a huge loss.

The lady tried opening the door leading into the dining area where the reception was located, but couldn't because her hands were too small to pull the thick gold handle. In what some would consider to be a vile inhumane move, I did not immediately come to her aid. Let me explain first. The last few times this exact same scenario had occurred resulted in unilateral screaming episodes and reprimand because I had offended them. I realized that some people didn't want to be helped. So each time it happens again, I freeze out of fear and I don't know if I'm going to be offending anyone. Lose lose. If I help, I'm insensitive. If I don't help, I'm just not human.

After a few unsuccessful attempts by the lady to open the door, my friend asked me to open the door for the lady...and I did. The awkwardness from not doing it right away loomed over the vestibule like the defining scene of an antagonist's character in a movie where there are no real villains, just humans with or without errors. I was full of errors that day. Happy birthday to the sensitive man...the overly sensitive man that thinks too much. At least now I've made my resolution. It was just such a sad moment for me and I can't help but feel idiotic.

I think I'll just keep on helping anyone at anytime, because that's just natural of me to do so. After all, I'm known to always open doors for just about anyone. What would I care if they thought I was offending them? Err on the side of objective consideration I say.

2. The Not Thinking Before Talking Episode: My friend bartends at this hip Japanese fusion place in the upper east side. She does shifts on Sundays and asked me to keep her company last Sunday.

Let's fast forward to the next morning. In a nutshell, I was sick of alcohol and my bathroom was not spared from the evidence.

Moral of the story: If you have a friend that bartends, and she asks you what you want to drink, never answer with, "Just give me whatever you want me to have. You can practice your mixing on me."

3. The Real Independence Episode: I bought myself my first car ever. Will post a pic soon. 2000 Grand Jeep Cherokee Laredo. I also got my apartment...

...and a phone call from my future boss telling me to start work earlier. Oh well. At least I can use the cash flow.

*Recommendations: Watch "The Descent" with friends that can't stand freaky movies - It's messed up. Definitely watch "Little Miss Sunshine"

28 Years

No. This is not a movie critique on that sick British apocalyptic movie about zombies (which I realized is 28 days and not years anyway). It's something just as frightening. My 28th birthday.

Let's plot my life at this very moment of turning 28 and see where I am in the universal scheme of things.

Job? Yes. Lawyer to be pending a favorable letter by the New York Board of Law Examiners. My boss just called me and told me that I should start earlier. While cutting into vacation time is never a fun thing, starting my new career should be just as fun. . . I think. Of course, we're plotting where I am at this very moment, so a further conversation on attempting to get a masters in music business at NYU wouldn't be in line with this blog entry.

Health? Good luck to me. My cholesterol score is probably higher than all of my standardized test scores in my lifetime put together. It's time to hit the gym and get that body into good shape. I promise. This is the year. And yes...that includes a healthier diet.

Partner/Lover/Girlfriend? None. Am I almost there? Not really. Other than random dates and setups, *deleted segment* Change topic. Won't jinx anything at this point.

Wealth? No paycheck yet. Nothing to talk about here.

Place to live? Don't get me started with my apartment search. New York real estate is probably the most anyone will ever have to spend in their entire life. I just want a washer and dryer in my unit and I don't want a kitchen with linoleum floors. It's really gross.

So in general, I give myself an 8 out of 10 for starting a new life as a lawyer in NY. I have a lot to work on this year. I can't wait to see what happens. Happy birthday to me.

Bitter Defeat and Sweet Infatuation

Here's an update about where I am at the moment.

I believe too much has happened the past few weeks, and my ability to write it all out is currently hampered by utter confusion and stress. Some bad news. My moot court team lost the competition in which I've been waiting to participate for the past 6 years. My days of oral advocacy are over. [rest of content edited out due to author's desire to accept defeat with utmost humility]

Ironically, something good has happened too. [rest of content edited out due to author's post-publication desire to keep this one private]

[Now I realize that I have decimated this entire post. Think of it this way: I'm at a turning point, and all this editing is a manifestation of existential uncertainty]

Bouncing Back...Again

I've surrendered to the reality of having only temporary spurts that somewhat reflect recovery. It's like taking a peek into heaven. It's like a free download of a great episode from your favorite sitcom. These spurts include great dates, productive studying, academic achievement, and other sorts of reaffirmation.

I've had a recent spurt. Actually, I'm still in it. My long-awaited date is tonight. I'm excited. She's extremely pretty, well-educated, a successful professional, and seems to have a lot of thoughts about life. It's one of those John Cusack-movie moments: the "did-she-just-agree-to-go-out-with-me?" type of feeling. This is a perfect way to end a week full of many affirmations: I was lauded by my trial practice professor, a real judge, for an opening statement I presented in class; I was affirmed by teammates for a speech I made in preparation for an exciting moot court tournament; and I received an A in a pretty tough class (it was then I realized that I really had some competent legal writing skills). All roads pointing to litigation? Perhaps. After all, it was after watching "The Practice" http://abc.go.com/primetime/thepractice/ (now Boston Legal) that made me want to come to law school (what was I thinking). *Funny enough, I landed a place in a Boston law school.

So anyway, the date is on. I went to my stylist today to get my haircut. I'm preparing my clothes and will take a nap in a short while. Oh, some relatives of my ex-fiancee contacted me to see how I was. It was very sweet. Of course, some of my friends went ballistic when they found out that some of her relatives were in touch. At this point, I've made separate independent relationships with these people, and it would just be too much to sever ties with them. I also feel like it's ok to be in touch so as long as it doesn't give me horrible reminders of my past relationship and doesn't obstruct the whole recovery process.

I digress. Stay tuned next week for a little summary of my date. I put Jeff Buckley on the side for a bit. Soundtrack of the week: Jamiroquai www.jamiroquai.com (buy their new album "Dynamite" if you like 70's type disco-ish acid jazz. Listen to some of the new songs on their website)

Post-breakup: The Timing of Dating

42 hours straight. That's the amount of time I spent working with my debate teammates for a tournament this February. I never thought that writing a legal brief could be so...bad. "Not getting enough sleep" is an understatement at this point. I've boomeranged back to the jet lag phase that I had just recently recovered from a few weeks ago. Now that the intellectual masssacre has ended (at least for now), I had time to think about things again.

Dating. There are two general schools of thought about launching into the dating scene after a breakup. One approach finds that a person should not start dating after a breakup unless and until she or he had fully recovered from the past relationship. Assuming the person isn't going around trying to get a one night stand, this approach is based on the principle of being "fair" to yourself and your date. No one wants to bring baggage into a new relationship. Then again, this is just dating...not marriage.

The other approach states that one should date right away (or at least reasonably soon after or during a short mourning period). It supposedly helps you move on and realize that there is a life independent of your ex. It helps you regain confidence. Some supporters take the view that the pain relating to your last relationship never leaves you; it's "baggage" that stays for life, but transforms into new things: personality changes, positive or negative, change in lifestyle, attitude, etc. If one cannot draw that crucial line separating a monday of past pain and a tuesday of new life, one concludes that dating is a great way to help you eventually get the closure you need. Closure is up to you - not your ex or your future date - and it's a process...a daily struggle.

This may not be the best articulation of both approaches (and I'm sure there are more theories out there), but I've always been a person who has balanced these two views.

For the record, I've been going on dates the past few months. I have one next week and am pretty excited about it. Of course, I do have my moments of emotional struggle and ask myself whether this is what I want to do. Otherwise, at the end of the day, I've realized that the dating scene has helped me regain confidence and see my identity as an independent person...not just the ex-fiance of 2004 with that intriguing blog of his (no self-marketing intended).

Which approach makes sense to you?

Your current life soundtrack: Who follows you to work?

Do you remember the Starbucks TV commercial where the young professional, Glen, holding a can of starbucks double espresso shot, leaves his apartment with the old pop rock band Survivor following him around, singing "Eye of the Tiger" as a going-to-work soundtrack/theme song? Admit it. Most of us have done it at least once in our lives: with our ipods, walkmans, or "stereo in our heads," we press play and pretend that we're in a movie, listening to that one theme song as we trek towards the subway, headed to work like a dramatic fashionable entrance lodged in the sequence of a hot hollywood plot.

Well, for the past 6 months my waking up and heading out theme song has been "Last Goodbye" by Jeff Buckley (www.jeffbuckley.com) may he rest in peace. Not the pumper song you expected. It probably means that my current life movie is not an action flick.

It's a phenomenal song though. Download it. Legally.

2 simple things to remember during heartbreak

"2 rules" would be too harsh. "2 guidelines" would downplay the importance of this concept. "Hortatory" or "aspirational rules" would be too much of an imposition of my grotesque law school vocabulary on this simple blog. Thus, I will stick to "things to remember during heartbreak."

My spiritual director, friend, and mentor Manoling Francisco, S.J. (one of the Philippines' most celebrated musicians - more on him later) told me the following after my breakup:

(1) YOU CANNOT CONTROL YOUR FEELINGS...BUT
(2) YOU CAN CONTROL THE WAY YOU REACT OR BEHAVE AFTER OR WHILE FEELING A CERTAIN WAY.

Remember these words.

When you cannot control either the behavior/decisions of the person that hurt you or the feelings that arise while experiencing major heartbreak, you can address the frustration of losing your grip on the situation by focusing your attention on what you can control: your reactions and the way you behave. For the record, this does not mean you can and should keep yourself from crying. Crying is awesome. These words apply primarily to situations where your feelings can sway you to do things that are stupid or harmful to you and others, like suicide or emotionally blackmailing your ex.

It will take a tremendous amount of will power to do this. Believe me. I'm still struggling every morning. I want to make angry phone calls and send depressing emails to my ex when I wake up. I've failed to prevent myself from doing this many times (like this morning), but when I succeed, it feels liberating. Kick a soccer ball into your neighbor's backyard or burn an ugly teddy bear if you have to (don't take this too literally). Just don't kill yourself or hurt others over a failed relationship.

But believe me also when I say that these little victories or baby steps (i.e. getting out of bed, going to work/school, burning teddy bears), as a result of your control over your behavior, will eventually accumulate into a form of recovery and resiliency that may only be apparent or obvious to your friends and family. Thus, I also found it important to share these experiences with people close to me. One of my "angels" from Singapore told me that she saw great improvement from last year, even if I felt like seeing my ex-fiancee over this past winter break was like pressing the reset button on the videogame console called life.

Bottom line? Restrain yourself from impulsively committing these harmful acts when you feel extreme sadness or depression. You can do it. I'm still trying.

Late Disclaimer: This entry is not an attempt to preach or cure. I'm not a licensed psychotherapist. I'm not Dr. Phil. Don't sue me if it doesn't work.

Raise your hand if your wedding was called off

Me (*raises hand confidently*).

One theory of writing blogs is that if you slowly build a comfortable relationship with your reader, they will continue to be loyal to your writings. I'm not a fan. One of my mentor/friends, Keith Ferrazzi once described the importance of immediately sharing your passion, your pains, your struggles when getting to know people in establishing personal relationships. He is the master of developing and maintaining personal relationships for life success (check out the link to his blog below ("Never Eat Alone"), and his website: www.nevereatalone.com). Buy the book and get to know his story. Trust me. I'm not a reader, but this book may be one of the most important reads one may ever have. Ask the TODAY show (http://msnbc.msn.com/id/3032633/) - they interviewed him twice on the same topic and his bestselling book.

During one of his conferences for an organization of entrepreneurs in New York, I participated in an exercise which involved getting to know a total stranger...but the catch was, we had to do it through sharing our dreams and pains. My partner was the wife of an entrepreneur who only found her true passion in life as an interior designer in her late 40's (covering both passion and pain). I told her about my dreams to start a record label and my former engagement which did not materialize into the wedding as planned. In short, we had a very deep and intimate conversation, which continued even after the conference ended. Even if she didn't break up with her husband to date me (and I don't typically go for 50-year old women), I'd say the conversation was a success.

You are my partner now. Forget the easygoing conversation/small talk that people are so used to when getting to know someone. This is me. Acid Jazz Boy. I was about to get married. It didn't happen.

My ex-fiancee needed to be free. She needed to live a life away from the pressures of a committed relationship and find herself, so she broke off the relationship sometime in October 2004...over the phone...long distance.

There are a few reasons why I'm writing this post now:

(1) When you're heartbroken, you realize that the worst part of each struggling day is waking up.
*now imagine me. jetlagged. I am awake at 3 am. I woke up at an odd hour thinking about her yet again. So I guess writing this post is somewhat pseudo-cathartic and therapeutic. I've been brokenhearted for more than a year.
(2) You may be hearing a lot about this episode of mine throughout the blog. It was a defining moment. More details (but none too incriminating on her part) will come.
(3) This is a subtle indirect introduction of Keith Ferrazzi. Buy the book "Never Eat Alone" and check out his blog. No, he's not a Dr. Phil (just because he's part of this post). He's good for you aspiring professionals/businessmen out there.

That's enough background for a 3 am (now 4 am) post. Up next: the candid feelings of a brokenhearted 27-year old international law student.

Good night (morning). I have to wake up in 5 hours to sing for a wedding (irony?).

First Post: Introductions

"First Posts" are typically boring to read. I'm going to try to avoid the whole psychoanalysis and meta-analysis that go into writing first posts...such as writing about first posts. I like delving into the meat of things. I like eating the steak before the salad.

So instead, let's just make this a short introduction. If you like this blog, then feel free to update me with all the grammatical mistakes that have stuck with me since my years as a private Catholic high schooler in Asia. This should help me revise my writing style in time for the upcoming bar exams.

See? Wasn't that interesting? I taught you 3 things about myself in a span of 2 sentences:
(1) I'm not a good writer;
(2) I'm a law student (as exhibited by my attempt to enumerate this category like a federal code gone wrong);
(3) I went to a private Catholic high school in Asia

*speaking of which, if you've read the Da Vinci Code...I went to an Opus Dei high school...and no, I do not practice corporal mortification with a cilice. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corporal_mortification#Practices_in_Different_Religions_.26_Cultures

Presently, I'm fighting jetlag from a 26-hour travel episode, so this post will be short. A few things to know. Acid Jazz has been my choice of music for life. I have been listening to (and performing) this genre since the earliest of the 90's. As for "Sensitive Man" - well, you'll see for yourself. If you don't like a man who is open about his feelings, and would rather spend time observing men that typically embody the type of machismo that has been floating around society since the beginning of time, then this isn't the place for you. Although, I must say, I do have my moments when it comes to sports and other "guy" things.

One day, Oprah will notice me and ask me to come onto her show. Before that, I have one more semester of law school and the bar exams to hack.

Introduction over.